17, SPM an he found himself in writing everytime the papers and the pens meet

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I was awakened by a terrifying noise . My cat woke me up .....
Monday, 16 February 2015 | 0 Comments

I was awakened by a terrifying noise . My cat woke me up by licking my two small toes . The cold of her saliva awakes me from my beautiful sleep . Lately , I have been awake by the noise from nowhere . I have tried to find the source of it but there is nothing . This is not the first time "they" bother my sleep . I do know know who are they but they are big and dark and something can makes you shaking .

I walk to school this morning , like usual,with holes on my shoes , i feel shy to walk with other students . I am afraid to ask a pair of new shoes from my parent because they might say that I am not grateful for what I have now . I do not really enjoy talking to them , I will try to avoid talking to them because it could minimize our fights and argument ?

I do not have a friend at school . Even Mrs.Samantha hates me ? My class teacher . I do not have anyone to call as "dude ,mate" or whatsoever . I do not bother to have one either .

"Uriah" . Someone calls me from behind , and the voice calms me and sounds so familiar .
" Wait for me " . I look back and see Marry rushing towards me , forcing me to held her before she falls to the ground .

"Whoa" ,I said. "Calm down,you little girl,what are you rushing for?" Mary probably the only mortal who wants to talk to me . I don't know what makes she sees me . I mean , nobody sees me or even talk or even greet me ? " I think I was late to school , don't we late already ? " I show her my wristwatch and it sharp 7 . School starts at 8 . We have like one hour to walk .

She laughs and punch me straight to the chest . This is what friends do when they meet . Maybe this is what they feel , but this is not pain that I feel . I feel a touch of love . To walk besides her just make me realize how blue the sky is , how the gravity rules forces everyone to follow them fall the ground . The sweet scent of her perfume that she puts between her neck pushing my adrenaline to the climax .
She is the coolest among the hottest , I have to admit that I have been keeping feelings to her from the first day we meet ?

But I know , where I stand . The clock is still following the rules of world where it is ticking to the right and back to the number 12 . She would not likes me . Never . She leaves me with a curl of smile and a soft waves of goodbye when we enter the entrance of the gate .

I write about Marry everday in my diary , that I secretly put it under my table . Sometimes I wrote poems but whatever it is , it is all about Marry .

Marry had a little lamb ,
Where she blows her kiss
I wish I am a lamb,
So she would kiss and miss

Nothing special at school today . I sleep during English lesson . Playing possum like I do not sleep . But everytime I sleep in class,my classmates will hide my school bag then they will leave me alone . There is a time , where I went back home at 6 because I could not find my things .

And the clock keeps ticking , rhymes with the sound , without realizing it is already 10 .
I force my cat , Tinker to sleep with me , because I do not want the monsters crawl in . My eyelids become heavier and the sheeps that jump over the shed begin to vanish and silently , I fell into sleep .

"You know this world is for the people who are happy , a troublesome kids like you, don't deserve a spot in this world, I've been accompanying you since the day you were born , I can go through your happy moments , and the pain you feel is killing me , I give you 3 chances , if you cry 3 times and being sad then I have to take your soul and sell them , you wrist will be cut if you cried then you will have 3 small cut in a row if you failed to be happy and that moment , I will come  "

The squeck of the door wakes me up from the nightmare . Tinker is there , looking my horrifically and the wind is chilly to the point of eerie . Finally the boogie man , come across and reveal himself . Because once Marry said to me " Don't be sad or depress because boogie man would come and eat you " .

My hands are cold but there is no sweat but it they are cold as hell . Tinker walks away , making me feel alone .  Beneath everything , I am afraid and all of the old memories packed into one and rushing to my box of memories . Slowly,I let myself drown into old stories where there was a night , my brother came across my room,slamming my door and asked me to open the door . With nothing to be afraid of , I opened the door and suddenly Kim (my brother ) kicked me and slammed the door closed . I asked why , then he take his clothes off . Forcing me to kiss him on the mouth and that night was unforgettable and so much pain . The day that everything starts to change my point of view .

Kim left me without anything to wear , he switched the laptop on  with a porn video playing on and the door opened letting the wind comes to touch my body until I got a cold . I could not move at that moment , my body ache and I bawled my eyes out . My parents came in and saw everything . Nakedly , I tried to ran towards them and explained them what actually happens but they did not believe me a single thing and Kim suddenly came out from his room pretending like he did not know anything .

Tears started to roll on my mom's cheeks as my father took out his leather belt and slashing at my bare body . And that moment , I thought my carpus might be broke and  fractured . I screamed in pain and my voice broke the silent of the night . I saw Kim smirked and laughed at me . He never likes me since the day I was born because our parents love me more .

The sound of Tinker brings me back to the reality . Without realizing that I bawled my eyes out . Suddenly,my wrist is in pain and a few drops of blood dripping down to my clothes , marked a small cut . 1/3 . I do not realize that I am actually crying . With my body shacking , I put myself in a soft warm blanket that my mother gives during my birthday and I force my eyes to shut and I sleep with the windows open .

Dawn's adhan wakes me from the sleep . I take wudu' and pray and ask God to make me stronger and happier . After the prayer,I do not feel like sleep then I decided to make some breakfast for my family , I know they must be so tired working . I make a very simple sandwiches with a slice of cheese in it .

While arranging the table , suddenly the door is slammed and the voice of my mom raising . I heard they are yelling to each other . I hear a lot of cursing words that I do not supposed to know . My mom favourite vase is dropped to the ground and one of the pieces is flying to me . My dad walks straight to the table where the sandwiches is arranged and take the sandwiches and forcing my mom to eat it . He takes the nearest ketchup and pour it on mom's head .

After he leaves us , I ran to my mom and hug her , I can feel her body's shacking . Asking me to hold her more tight so she do not fall to the ground . She wipes my tears , with ketchup on my face , I kiss her forehead and say that there is nothing need to be worried about and without surprise ,  blood from my wrist starts to gush . One more cut , then I will be dead .

I do not go to school for 2 weeks as I am scared if there is anybody would make me sad and cry . So , I lock myself in a room with a lot of potato chips . That Monday , Mary asks me , why I skip school .
She says that she misses me . Without any greet,she suddenly hug me and kiss me on the lips . As our lips pressed to each other , I can smell her sweet lavender perfume . She leaves me wondering and a letter for me to read .

In the later she wrote ,

Dear Uriah , I like you since the first day we met . When the first time our hands held . I hope you can accept my love ? I hope you go to the school , because I miss you - Marry

I never expect something from a girl , to be more clear , Marry . I never expect something from Marry . So , that night , I sleep early so I am not late for school to meet Marry  . I hit the shower really early in the morning , even the roosters are still sleeping . I wait for her at the small garden in our school where Marry wrote in the letter . I am feeling a bit of odd why there are a lot of people at the garden on this early morning . Then , Marry shows up .

"Uriah,sorry . Actually, I don't like you and I think you're disgusting . I'm pretending that I like you and sincere to befriend with you because my friends ask me to do that in order to get RM500 from them,I am sorry but I think you're such a nice boy"

And the  crowd laugh at me , spitting on me , I turn and walk away with the whys questions in my head . I cry all the way to home . I throw away my bag in the bush and the birds fly across me makes me feel like I am just a plastic bags which people use and when I get holes , they will throw away .
I wonder why my life is such a disaster like it is in the perimeter of miserable . My sight go dark and black and the voice cracking in .

" And you failed, dear boy . To be in this mean world, you have to be meaner . This is a bed of lies where you need to be more than other people , with people like you in this world,just make others influenced by your depression . In order to make this world clean , I must sell your soul . Now, I will take you somewhere you probably like ...... "

And I feel my body is been grabbed by a massive figure . I do not know where he is going to bring me. He throws me near a big mirror in a dark room . He asks me to look into the mirror and what I see is ,myself with a tall figure , black and shapeless . With a black hoodie that almost covering my face ,

"Now , you're part of us , go find a depress kids , so you can eat them all " With a spooky smile,he leaves me alone in the room .